Blessings In Disguise

I’m a lucky girl.

Looking back on my life, more specifically on my marriage, I realize how far I’ve come since my divorce.

I was in an abusive relationship. No, he never hit me with his hands. He didn’t have to. His words and actions were painful enough. And out of that ugliness came two of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing and one baby that I will someday meet in Heaven. I hope he/she recognizes me enough to introduce themselves.

In the midst of all this, I remember telling him (and fully believing) that my life would not work without him.

Then the divorce hit and I realized I was made of stronger stuff than I thought. See, while I was married, I was stuck. I didn’t move forward or backward. I just stayed standing still for 10 years. Not taking a breath. I hung on for my children. But the second he asked for a divorce, I knew I was free. I was no longer bound to him or to what he wanted from me. I remember, even in the midst of my pain, being thrilled that I didn’t have to cook dinner anymore. I could do laundry when I wanted and not when he needed. I was free!!!

And then so many good things started happening. In the last seven years, I’ve moved back home to be complete with my family. I had three wonderful, fun-filled years at college that fired up my imagination and sparked my self-confidence. I’ve worked for 7 years at a job that I’ve loved and cherished. My daughters have grown into fine young women and the three of us are freakishly close. I’ve travelled to Disney with my girls and taken my first business trips to Alabama. I’ve rediscovered, refined and enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my mother. I’ve traveled with my father and step-mother to Italy for three weeks! Now, I’m less than two months away from going to Ireland and England with my mom. I’m on a journey to become an Associate connecting me even further to a group of strong women who I admire. I’ve rediscovered my love for music and reading. I’ve taught myself how to crochet. I spend my Fridaynights with my girls giggling, dreaming and conversing with them.

I have found me!!!!

I remember when the divorce hit and I was in a vat of depression one night. I went to church begging God to see me and to speak to me. I wanted nothing more to do with this church that once called me “sister” and now parted away from me like the parting of the Red Sea. There was a guest Praise and Worship minister. Instead of calling me out (which I hate and God knows that), he came up to me during a worshipful moment and said, “God says to roll with the changes in your life for I am bringing you into a new land where I have a greater purpose prepared for you.”

Shortly after that, I came upon this poem:  

 
Rejected I was. And I did walk through the morning mists – although they were more of mourning mists as I mourned for the life I was not going to have. I did find my home and it was not where I left it. But it’s all been so much better!!! I’m content and I’m free. 

So, to those of you who are going through this right now, to those of you who want to know if you will ever smile or laugh again, let this minister to you. Let it sink in. A failed relationship does not have to be like an albatross around you dragging you down. You will laugh. You will love. You will dream. You will travel. And you will find yourself again and when you do, you will be amazing at how beautiful you truly are and always have been.